There are no better caregives in the world than the natural parents. Please remember this when you are tempted to offer advice on how to raise your grandchildren! First of all, child care and tools have changed drastically since we raised our children. Second, the greatest gift you can give your kids and grandchildren is to respect and follow the parent's wishes when providing care. It allows them to experience the new joys of parenthood in their own way. Just as we did! It shows respect for them as a new and independent family unit and makes adjusting to caregivers easier for the babies. This advice should be heeded by aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, siblings .... EVERYONE! Your relationship with the parents and babies will be greatly enhanced!
I also suggest walking the fine line of offering assistance and giving the parents their space and special time alone as a family. This is especially important in our case. As a Firefighter, my son is often away, spending nights at the station. The twins light up when Daddy comes home and my daughter-in-law is just as happy to see him and share some precious family-time. I try to be sensitive to their need for privacy and yet be cogniscent of when they may need an extra set of hands or a much needed night out for Mom and Dad.
Beepa and Meema are always thrilled to see our grandbabies and if a week goes by without seeing them, I cannot believe the change in them in such a short time. I've been asked to be the travelling nanny for an upcoming trip to San Diego. Since we will all be staying at my sister's house, I'm sure she too is relieved to know I will be along to help watch the twins so their parents can go play a bit!
These 4 months have been a time of transition for the fun-loving, spontaneous, young, married couple to parenthood. They were thrilled to find out they were having their first child and then shocked to find out their first would be two! Some days my son was very overwhelmed and perhaps a bit discouraged. He didn't understand why their were times he could notseem to comfort the girls but his wife could. He may have felt a bit neglected because there were 2 tiny people who needed her more than he did. His man-cave is now full of toys, swings, bouncers, boppies and burp cloths. But in 4 short months, he is doing a great job as a new Dad and the twins are interacting and responding to him more each day. He is able to come home at 8 AM after running calls all night and take over care of the twins for the day. I don't know how he does it! My daughter-in-law has always been great with kids. She took to motherhood like she did to teaching and I am amazed by both of them every time I see them with the girls. Most new parents struggle to adapt with ONE baby changing their world!
Everything they may have experienced to date and will experience reflects what all young parents do, but this is THEIR experience, not ours and we are privileged to be a small part of it all. So if you are going to be firt-time grandparents, remember to share their joy, not try to direct it. Sit back, relax, observe and enjoy. When I watch my son and daughter-in-law, I know we all did a great job as parents and they will too!
Have a great summer! Meema.
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